What can happen in One Year?
Last year I came to Krabi for a diving course and met “P OH, Jerome, Rob” as an instructor for the trip, P OH is my teacher and qualify me as diver, Rob going to have a first baby that he and his wife is waiting for 5 years, P Oh and Jerome is a lover for a pass 2 years.
This trip while I was in the boat meet Rob again and ask “Hi Rob how is the baby”, he said to me “Both my wife and the baby die”, I was shocking that I don’t expect to get this answer. He continue the story that his wife is not healthy and the doctor told her chose between baby and her life, after 5 years she rather risk to have her baby and at the end her body can’t stand and both her and the baby die.
In the evening I going to have some drink with P OH my instructor in the table I ask her “Hey where is Jerome?”, she said to me “OH Jerome having cancer and move back to Paris, he ask me to stop the relationship” again I was shocking and she continue her story that once she heard that he have cancer, he ask him to marry her. He said NO because he don’t want to be her burden. They both have a hard time crying and Jerome move back to Paris. Jerome is same age as me. I told P OH, the fortune is not good for him this year which is like mine.
I share my the story of my dad with them, I understand loss more and more each day, I use to think that it was hard when my dog die, but now I know how hard it is…. Last night I have a dream about my dad and it make me start up to write this story.
Last Night….My dad come to me in my dream and I was start to hug and kiss him and I said to him “Daddy Sorry that I didn’t work and acting like lazy girl, I know I am not a good girl at all”…..“But you know I love you and I don’t’ want to disappoint you”
He said to me in my dream “Sweet heart I love you too, you never disappoint me, you are good daughter”
“But now I feel like I am useless and selfish to travel and doing noting”
He said to me while he hug me “No, you never be a useless girl, you always make me proud, you will always make yourself fine”
“Remember this, all I ever want is to see you Happy and do thing that you happy, noting I ever want more… happiness is what I want to have each day, remember and remember and remember it”
Suddenly I wake up and It was very late that I sleep so well and deep with out realize and wake up as usual because of the sun, after wake up I try to search for my dad picture which is a clipper, and remind myself to write about this.
It could happen to me or to you and everyone in the world that still…. born, old, sick and die…
A life or Alive
Today I watch the documentary about the turtle who escape for the ocean park. It was injured while trying to escape out of the park. After testing and enjoy his freedom it was so tried and take a courage to swim back to the ocean. It start to discover a new things and it have a luck getting a squid as a fist meal… but it didn’t know that the hungry shark is around there…
The turtle life is end after a few hours journey of its freedom.
29 December
December 21,2007
“Happy Birthday Daddy, sorry that I decided not to go backhome for your bithday and christmas, I was so busy, I didn’t decided to be home for New year yet too… this is a hard time”
“I worried about you and your health and I know you got lot of stress over there, Why don’t you come back home? I miss you” said my dad
“I am fine, I will try to make it on New Year” I told my dad
“You don’t need to work this hard, we have a little appartment you can collect the rent and take a rest, If we live simple it would be enought, I will give you that”
“Thank you but it’s ok dad, I don’t need it yet, I am fine, keep it for yourself” I said
“I really want to give you so you don’t have to work”
December 28, 2007
”Hello Dad, I am home” I call my dad
“I am so happy you decided to come back” he said and shout to my mother that I was home
“I see you on the 30th for mom birthday ok!” I said
“Ok I miss you and see you”
“I love you dad”
“Me too”
December 29, 2008
Missed Call!
“Your dad is in comma”
“No will he be alright?”
“Just come”
At his dead body I cry, I didn’t see him, I try to figue out the last kiss that I kiss him, I blame myself for missing his birthday, I ready to lost every penny that I have just to buy back his birthday… All I can do is cry and wonder “Why it has happened”
……………………………………..
I maybe just like you. I think that I have to work hard to get rich so I can do everything I want…. The more money I get, the more I start want to work and expand more business and invest more, each day I was busy with phone, computer and meeting. I was in the hospital for losing my health. The money I find is spend on investment because I think I will get more and I can retired sooner.
That day never come and I was spending over 10 years… I never work on my dream I work on money and think that it will make my dream come true…. Becuase you can’t buy time and really know what going to happened tomorrow… I promise myself over his dead that each day I will make it simple and happy and do what ever make me happy…
I used to tell myself “I have a dream to work and get some money to travel around the world.”
But now I am going to change it to “I am going to travel around the world and I dream that during the trip I will be able to find the way to get some money or faith to continue it even I run out of money”
